One Year Old

Many things have happened since the last post two months ago (wow – sorry!). The most important of which: Terran turned ONE YEAR OLD!! It’s not an accurate time measurement. The first year is a time bend. He’s been here one month and he’s been here all my life at the same time.
The other things that happened:
– Mama started a new role at Alaska
– Terran got a real cold
– Terran’s TPN was increased and shortened
– Family celebrated Terran and his “first trip around the sun”

Mama started a new role at Alaska: Getting the call in May while in the hospital was timely. What I need in any role is flexibility to go MIA at a moments notice for Terran. My new boss said a variation of “if the answer isn’t ‘absolutely yes’, we have bigger problems as a company.” I thought that was a pretty good answer. I wasn’t looking for a new job – my prior role was fantastic and I miss it. However, this new role is challenging in different ways and has reenergized me in a way I didn’t know I needed. While talking with a friend recently he pointed out that my limited stress in the new job (which in any other year would have been through the roof) was likely due to a new perspective – Terran has reprioritized my whole life and allowed me to spend energy in important, targeted, effective ways.

Terran got a cold: It’s pretty incredible that Terran hadn’t gotten a “normal” fever until now. Clearly a significant ‘thanks’ goes to the mask-wearing hand-sanitizing household we’ve become during the Covid era. While most of the world loosens precautions, we’re staying tight for Terran. A total blessing is the social option to wear a mask. It’s so commonplace today that even if the bulk of the room is unmasked, I don’t get any funny looks for wearing mine. That said – we don’t wear them all the time (outdoors, mostly) and Terran obviously doesn’t wear one. So the inevitable finally struck – Terran got a cold, which came with a fever, which came with an overnight hospital trip, which came with issues and lessons…
– 1 ) When drawing blood from the central line (done immediately to start blood cultures), the ED nurse made a mistake that I had to call out. She ultimately resolved it, but afterwards I remember texting Walker (home sick with the same cold): “We didn’t come in here with a central line infection but we might be leaving with one…”
– 2 ) The first night in the hospital is the worst night in the hospital. This is because they do all their intake / baseline assessments and vitals every 4-hours because Terran’s “stability” hasn’t been confirmed. Essentially there’s no sleeping the first night. A price for a short stay is leaving in a complete sleepless daze.
– 3 ) History is important. The only reason we were able to leave before the blood cultures came back with confirmed negative (would take at least 36 hours for two tests) was because Terran has had two infections before so we knew he was acting differently than those cases. With the positive parainfluenza test result you’ve got your smoking gun.

Terran, Walker and I fell as dominos to this cold and wowee! I am a wimp after a few years of no illnesses. It’s not fun trying to entertain an infant when you’re sick.

Terran’s TPN was increased and shortened: A few times I’ve noted how Terran was growing “faster than his calories” which gave Walker and I false hope that maybe he was adapting way early or he at least didn’t need as much TPN intervention as the standard kiddo. After a couple months of plateaued growth, the GI team increased his calories to match his calculated needs. Ultimately this is a good thing – Terran will have the inputs to grow as much as he can. I couldn’t help but feel defeated, even though it wasn’t really a setback. It’s just another reminder of how long the road is – and that there might not be an end. The positive part – Terran is now disconnected from his TPN for 4 hours a day!! He gets to add 2 hours per month (given his blood sugar and all other markers stay normal) until we get to 10-12 hours of free time. By the end of the year, he’ll (hopefully) only have TPN running at night!!

Side note: Speaking of TPN at night… one of my nightmares came true last week when Terran’s pump stopped in the middle of the night due to an “air in the line” alarm. This alarm is supposed to stop pumping if the bag runs dry but practically stops the pump whenever there’s a tiny champagne bubble coming through the line. The alarm is too soft to hear over the baby monitor so it’s by chance that we catch it at night. It doesn’t happen often, but a couple times my mama spidey-senses kicked in and I found it without 30 min of alarming. That wasn’t the case last week – he went 5 hours (!!!) without TPN. It’s rare he sleeps that long to begin with so this was very rare indeed. He’s fine, but I’m working on calibrating the baby monitor to pick up the alarm sound so this doesn’t happen again.

Family celebrated Terran and his “first trip around the sun”: A (mostly) family-only party turned out to be a full house and such a great time! Terran was a little overwhelmed at the beginning but then warmed up and was excited to be around other kiddos!! A friend lent us a water table (thank goodness because it might have been the hottest day this summer) and we discovered covering Terran with a smock kept his dressing safe and dry. He found a love of splashing! Now he follows me around as I water the garden and reaches to grab the water stream 🙂
The day was a success because everyone pitched in – bringing canopies, food, sweet-less cake (thanks, Dad!), and soooo many presents for Terran. Special shout out to my amazing sister-in-law Kelli for the STELLAR homemade decorations and rocket ship photo booth!!

Terran turning one year old was a big deal for the whole family. Walker & I have been through a lot this year, including a lot of learning and reprioritizing. Our families have been through a lot, especially Grammy and Nana – who have stepped up to help with childcare 3 days a week to allow Walker & I to keep working (the stripped down necessity: keep healthcare insurance). There’s many things to be grateful for in this first year. Terran’s new expressions, communication, curiosity, and pure, unfiltered laughter tell me that we have many more gratitudes to come.

Major photo dump since I let you down last time: